dickfiguresfanonfandomcom-20200214-history
Kim's fun time
When Kim comes back after being gone a while, everyone welcomes her back but she doesn't exactly welcome them. So they take her out to have some fun... Against her will. Characters Kim Allen Hope Jade Jones Randy Twilight Don Jacob Nate Transcript (The episode opens with Allen and Hope putting out a few drinks and cups) Allen: Make sure the cups all match cuz my cousin is still fucking OCD Hope: Guess I doesn't run in the family, this place is a mess. Allen: This is YOUR mess. Hope: ... So? (Allen's phone rings and it's Kim) Allen: (Picks up the phone) Hello? Kim: (From the other line) Hey dick cheese I'm going to be late. Allen: Well good afternoon to you too. Kim: Fuck off. (Hangs up) Hope: So.. Hows Kim doing? Allen: (Sarcastically) Seems like she's in a good mood. (Later on, Jade is in her home and her cellphone rings) Jade: (On the Phone) Hello? Allen: (From the phone) Hey Jade, Me and Hope going to need everyone to stop by our place. Jade: Let me guess, it's a party? Allen: I guess you can say that. Jade: I'll bring my friends over just to add more company. Allen: Sweet. Thanks. Jade: Yeah whatever. (Hangs up) (Later at Hope and Allen's place, where everyone is sitting in the living room) Allen: I can't believe they actually came on such short notice. Wow. Jade: What is this all about? Jones: Yeah motherfucker, what is all this shit? Twilight: It must be a party. Randy: Then where is all the beer? Allen: Look dudes I'll explain, my cousin is just coming back into town after a while and I figured we'd have a party to make her feel welcome. Oh and fair warning, she's not very friendly. Jones: Bitch! Most of us are fucking assholes! Twilight: I'm not considered that. Jones: (To Twilight) Shut up. Hope: Guys it's still a party so calm your tits and....Well, party. Jade: Of course, now I need a drink. (gets up to make a margarita) Don: Well is she going to get here or not goddamn it? Allen: She will. I think. Twilight: Is she normally like this? Allen: Yea. Pretty much. But when she does show up she'll prob- Kim: (Walks through the door) What the hell is with all the fucking people here? Allen: -Say something like that. Twilight: Um, surprise? Kim: Yeah sure whatever. So is anyone going to fucking answer? Allen: Just a small welcome party.. Kim: Oh wow Al, you STILL have that shitty hairstyle. Allen: You haven't changed. Jones: (To Kim) You sound a lot like my girlfriend, only without the strength she has. Kim: When the fuck did you have time to test my strength? Jones: Cause you look puny as shit with only your attitude to back you up bitch. Kim: I act like this because I have to. I wouldn't expect a dumbass like you to get it. Jones: I get it alright, and let me tell something, that wasn't the first time I heard that shit. Jade: Well then Kim, where did you come from? Kim: I was born here but I moved to Baltimore for a bit because of economic shit and whatever. Jade: (To Kim) Money problem? Kim: Yeah, I didn't fucking have any. And moving didn't work so I came back. Twilight: Then what's your plan Kim? Kim: If I fucking had one I wouldn't be in this mess. Randy: Then it's your fault! (Laughs) Kim: I'm well aware dipshit. Why is that funny? Randy: Cause you don't have a plan. Jade: Can we just do something at this fucking party already? Hope: Sure, what do you have in mind. Drinking game? Or just drinking.. Jones: Either one will do. Hope: Good someone bring the alcohol! (Allen brings out bottle of vodka, wine, and a twelve pack of beer bottles) Hope: Sweet. Gimme! Allen: Sure: (Gives her one bottle and puts the rest on the table) Anyone that wants some, it's over her. Kim: Thanks, captain obvious. Hope: Wow. Sarcasm is genetic. Who knew. Jade: Might as well call them "The Sarcasms" Kim: If anyone ever calls us that I'll kill them, take their sperm or egg and mix it to form offspring, and when the baby grows up, I'll kill him too. Jones: Okay, now you sound more like my girlfriend, just without the hot body. Kim: Oh dear God, I really don't care about your girlfriend. But I'm sure I'm much smarter then she is, just because I wouldn't date someone as dumb as you. Hope: Seriously Kim, are you on your period all the time? Like 24/7? Jones: Whatever, she still has the muscled body and the bitchy attitude. Jade: And I'm guessing this is Kim not on her period? Allen: Can we stop talking about menstruation? Hope: Al is on his period. Allen: Goddamnit Hope. Jade: How about those party games as we said before. Hope: Any in mind? Jade: Something with drinking? Hope: Lets drink every time Kim says something mean. Twilight: But that would be everytime to be more precise. Kim: What if I just don't fucking talk? Think of that dumbasses? Hope: DRINK! (Everyone takes a shot of vodka) Hope: Anything to add on Kim? Kim: (Trying to say nothing. Gives them the middle finger) Hope: Does that count? Jones: It doesn't have to be verbal. (Everyone takes a shot) Hope: Anything else? Kim: ... Hope:... I bet she's thinking something mean. Randy: Let's do something to make her say it. Hope: Okay. Hey Kim, say nothing if you want me to take your glasses. Kim: (Trying really hard to keep her mouth shut) Hope: K then, (Grabs her glasses and puts them on) Whoa how the fuck do you see in these things dude? Jones: She must be used to wearing them, (To Kim) aren't you, bottle eyes! Kim (Getting really pissed). Hope: Hey, Kim I think I broke your glasses. Ops. Randy: Hey Allen, is Kim ticklish? Allen: I have no idea, why don't you test it out. Randy: I have an idea. (Jade and Jones hold down Kim's arms as Twilight holds down Kim's feet and Randy gets on top of Kim) Randy: Ready to be tickled? (Bends down and tickled Kim's armpits with his wings) Kim: (Struggles and tries to hold in laughter) Hope: Look her face looks like a tomato from holding in laughter. (Laughs) Twilight : Well then, she must be on the brink of laughing. Hope: Well, tickle harder. I guess. (Randy uses his wings to tickle her armpits as. Twilight tickles the sole of Kim's feet) (Kim squirms around for a bit, trying not to laugh) Hope: Come on Kim, just laugh. Remember when you made Al think he wet the bed when he was young? That was pretty funny so laugh. Allen: THAT WAS YOU!? Kim: (Breaks out into laughter ) Fuck.. You all. (Laughs) And yes! (Everyone takes a shot, as Randy and Twilight let Kim get up) Kim: (Sits on the couch) Seriously, that was just immaturity at it's finest. And further more it was unnecessary and fucking stupid. Like Allen. Allen: WHY ME? WHY ALWAYS ME? Kim: It's funny. Jade: Okay, let's hold off on the drinking and think of something else to do for the party. Hope: Aww... Fine. Like what? It better be something fun and stupid. Jones: We thought you would have something Hope. Hope: Yeah but probably nothing Kim would let us do. At all. Ever. Kim: Fuck off. Twilight: Is that true about you Kim? Kim: So I'd rather not do stupid things or let other people do them.. What's the big fucking deal? Jade: We can do something stupid and fun. Kim: (Heavy sigh) Whatever. Do anything you jackasses want. Not really my problem. Hope: Okay. Well lets jump out the window. Kim: What? You can't fucking do that idiot! Hope: I was kidding. I thought it wasn't your problem. Kim: Shut up. Jade: Any places Kim likes to go to without being a total bitch? Hope: Probably nerdy places and shit. Like the kind Al goes to. Allen: Shut up. Hope: Now I see the resembelece. Jones: Then take her to a comic store or some shit, and while you two are out, can you get us some hoes? (Pulls out a wad of two hundred dollars) I'm kidding! (Laughs as he puts the money away) Kim: Why is everyone here so immature? Hope: Maybe cuz you're too stuck up. Live a little Kimie. Have some fun. Kim: No. Hope: Wow. That's kinda sad.. Randy: It... (Becomes very sad) So depressing. (Tears up a little) Hope: It wasn't even that kind of sad. I didn't mean.. (Sigh) Nevermind, let's just think of something to do. Randy: (Crying) Yeah, let's... (Goes back to normal) Have some fucking fun somewhere! Allen: Have you ever thought of seeking help- Hope: Anyway, who's got ideas? (Cuts to everyone on a rollercoaster as it escalades up to the top) Kim: (Covering her eyes) Is it too late to get off? Hope: Not if you jump. Kim: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP! (The rollercoaster drops down and speeds on the tracks as everyone puts their hands in the air while Kim grips her hands onto the metal bar) Hope: THIS IS AWESOME! Kim: I HATE YOU ALL FOR MAKING ME DO THIS! Allen: I'M SURE I CAN LIVE WITH THAT. (The rollercoaster goes through a loop as Kim gets even more freaked out) Hope: HAVING FUN? Kim: I'M GOING TO DIE LIKE THIS! (Gags) I think I'm going to puke.. (The rollercoaster finishes back at the station, as everyone gets out, expect Kim, who hangs onto the cart with her mighty grip) Allen: Kim get off. Kim: No. Allen: Get off goddamnit. Kim: Nu-uh. Allen: You're acting like a little kid. Witch is what you usually tell me. Kim: Not getting off. Hope: If you don't get off, you'll have to ride it again. Kim: NOPENOPENOPE! (Gets off the cart) (Later, it cuts to everyone on the Ferris Wheel, with Allen and Kim in one cart, Jade and Jones in another, Don and Jacob in one, Twilight and Randy in one, and Hope and Nate in one below Allen and Kim's cart) Kim: Get me off this thing! GET ME OFF! Hope: (Off screen) KIM! LIVE FOR ONCE! AND STOP CRYING! YOU SOUND LIKE MY BROTHER! Jacob: (Off screen) HEY! Allen: (Laughs) It's funny because it's true. Jade: Relax Kim. (The Ferris Wheel stops with Allen and Kim's cart at the top of the Ferris Wheel) Kim: (Looks down) Shit! Allen: Ya know, for once you're not being a total bitch. Kim: (Irritated voice) What was that? I'LL THROW YOU OFF! Allen: ... Nothing? Jones: Come on, it will probably only be five minutes, and the view from up here is fucking beautiful! Kim: Oh yea it's lovely, AND IT MAY BE THE LAST THING I'LL EVER SEE IF I DIE UP HERE! Allen: You're not going to di- Kim: DON'T TELL ME WHAT I AM OR AM NOT GOING TO DO I WILL END YOU! Hope: Someone needs to relax. Seriously don't freak out. Nate: You do that all the time. Hope: WHAT WAS THAT SPIKE? -- Oh shit you're right.. Jade: God, this is getting boring, I wish someone would just make this more fun since we have Kim to deal with. Kim: Fuck off. Hope: Well I'm here. And I'm pretty goddamn amazing. Don: Don't fucking gloat. Or lie. Randy: Maybe we should see who's the strongest. Hope: Sure... How can we do that on here? Randy: Someone should hang onto the metal bar underneath the cart, and we'll see who can be able to hold on the longest without falling. Hope: That should be fun! I'll go! (Jumps off the cart and grabs onto the metal bar) Easy, all I have to do is not go slat! Randy: I would go, but I have wings so it's pretty unnecessary. Jones: And I can fly to, so what's the point. Kim: Well, I'm not a fucking idiot! Hope: Don't be a wimp! Just jump and hang on. It's great A fun! Jade: I might as well do. (Jumps off and grabs onto the metal bar) And to make it more fun. (Does pull ups on the metal bar) I can practice my climbing. Hope: Pff, I don't need to do that cuz I'm fucking perfect. Jacob: (Heavy sigh) No logic to be found. Kim: Excuse me, but could you idiots get back on before someone breaks something! Or dies! Hope: Aw look, Kim almost has a heart. Kim: Very funny. Get your asses back up here already. Jones: Since when does the bitch have a heart? Hope: I said almost. Kim: Fine whatever, just hang from the cart and fall and fucking die. I give up. Hope:... I've been wrong before.. Jade: (Continues to do pullups on the metal bar) Whatever. (The Ferris Wheel begins to move again) Jade: Nice! A challenge! Hope: Okay, I have an idea! I'll jump to the nest cart! Nate: No don't-- Hope: Later bitch! (Jumps over to the cart below her) Whoa that was fun. Nate: Fucking idiot. (Jade jumps to the metal bar underneath the next car in front of her with ease) Hope: Anyone else going to join or what? Come on, do any of you have balls at all? Jade: Whatever, that's what they get for not working out. Hope: Fucking pussies. Kim: Unlike you two, most of us aren't bat-shit insane! I dunno about the rest of there idiots, but I'm logical. Jones: Just because we're not as logical as you, doesn't mean we like to have fun. (Jumps out of the cart and flies around the Ferris Wheel, where he pops up super quickly in Kim's cart, surprisingly her) Kim: Shit! Fuck you! No, I'm not doing this BS. I'm not retarded. Twilight: Then what do you want to do Kim? Kim: GET OFF THIS FUCKING THING? WHAT ELSE? Allen: (Heavy sigh) It's just a ride.. Jones: (Appears behind Kim) Okay, we'll do that. (Pushes Kim, as the Ferris Wheel stops, and the force of the ride stopping makes Kim fall off the cart) Kim: (Grabs onto the bar under the cart) WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY? Hope: Oh hi Kim. Welcome to the party. Jones: See! Now your having fun! (Flies down to where she is and just floats next to her whistling) Kim: THIS IS NOT FUN THIS IS HELL! (Looks down) Oh God no! Allen: At least now you're prepared for hell. Cuz you may fall and die, better this way cuz you're going to hell anyway, may as well-- Kim: Shut the fuck up. Now. Jones: Look, this is just you trying to prove if your strong. Kim: I don't fucking care if people think I'm strong or not. SOMEONE PULL ME BACK UP ALREADY! Allen: No. It's too funny. Kim: Fuck you. Jones: Whatever, just wait, the blood will go out of your hands and arms from holding them up, sweat will develop in your fingertips from the metal bar, and you'll eventually begin to lose all feeling in your arms and hands from holding them up for so long and let all the blood in your system flow down to your legs and feet, adding more weight to the gravity holding you down. Twilight: (Surprised) Where did you learn that Jones? Jones: I learned about it in school, duh! Kim: .. I'm shocked you even went to school. Anyway, FUCKING PULL ME UP! Jones: Why should I? (Sits criss cross while floating in the air next to Kim) Kim: BECAUSE YOU JUST SHOULD! IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO! Jones: Do you really think I look like the person to always do the right thing? Kim: It was worth a shot. Just pull me up! Do you want something in return!? (The Ferris Wheel resumes turning, but goes in reverse where Kim is now going to the top of the Ferris Wheel, as it stop and now Kim looks down to see she's even higher than she was before) Kim: SHITSHITSHITSHIT! PLEASE JUST HELP! (Back at the bottom, Jade's cart has finished and Jade returns back on the ground and looks out to see Kim at the top) Jade: (Smirks) You like the view? Kim: SHUT UP! SOMEONE JUST GET ME THE FUCK OFF THIS THING! Jade: You can't, unless you drop and land in a cart, since your on the tipie top of the Wheel! Kim: I'd sooner die then jump! Allen: The way your luck is going, it'll probably be both. Jones: Then I guess you don't need me. (Flies back down to Jade) Kim: SCREW YOU! FINE I'LL FUCKING JUMP. Anything to get off. Twilight: Okay, but you better be careful, aim well or else you may hit another cart, slip, and you better hope to God that you hang on to something, and... Randy: (Interrupts) Quiet! This is exciting! Kim: Uhh.. (Looks down the at the bottom cart, hesitating to jump for a moment, but slowly starts to let go of the cart this is hanging on to. She lets go of the cart, and cringes at she falls from in, lands okay in the bottom cart, slightly hurt and dizzy) Never. again. (Passes out) Twilight: Okay, time to go home. (Allen picks up Kim) Allen: Ha, she's still short. Hope: K lets go! (Allen brings Kim back to her apartment, and she's still asleep, so Allen puts her in bed and leaves her in there) Allen: For once, she's not being an ass. Jade: Maybe because she's asleep. Jones: Anyways, fun party, we're gonna leave now. Twilight: Yeah, me too. Randy: Me too. Hope: K, later bitches. Allen: See ya. Jade: Hope Kim wakes up, and realizes she actually did something fun for once. END Category:Episodes